简短英语笑话短文1
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.- Alan, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.- Lynnette, age 8
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.- Pam, age 7
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.- Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?- Kevin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- Ricky, age 10
简短英语笑话短文2
Brian invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep
noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was.
Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and
Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I
doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure". So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mom: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from
the house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner. Love, Brian".
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
"Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie; I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains
that if Stephanie is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
简短英语笑话短文3
As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light, I asked the driver, "Do you agree that'Time is money'?"
当出租车在遇到红灯急刹车时，我问司机：“你同意‘时间就是金钱’这种说法吗?”
"Well, it's a very common saying. Who will care so much about that?" the driver answered.
“哦，这是一个普遍说法。在这个问题上，谁会在意那么多呢?”司机回答说。
"Look, the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped, "I pointed at themeter.
“看，在车已经停止的情况下，里程表上的数字还在跑。”我指着里程表说。
"Oh, yes. You've got a point here. In this case, time is money for both of us." added the driver.
“哦，是的。你说的挺有道理的。在这种情况下，时间对我们俩来说都是金钱。”司机补充说。
简短英语笑话短文3篇扩展阅读
简短英语笑话短文3篇（扩展1）
——学生英语笑话短文3篇
学生英语笑话短文1
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
学生英语笑话短文2
Mark, our youngest son, was born after I had completed my active Air Force career. As a retired colonel, I enjoyed discussing with the children my time in the service. One day，Mark asked me what a colonel was，and I suggested he look up the word in the dictionary.“Dad，I think I found it,"he said，a few minutes later. "Kernel:the soft part of a nut.'"
我最小的儿子马克，是我结束那富有挑战性的空军生涯后出生的.作为一个退役上校，我喜欢和孩子们聊聊我服役的'那段时光。一天，马克问我什么叫“上校”，我建议化去查查字典。几分钟后，他说:“爸爸，我想我找到答案了。果仁:坚果中的柔软部分。”
学生英语笑话短文3
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on histhighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."
简短英语笑话短文3篇（扩展2）
——简短的英语笑话短文带翻译
简短的英语笑话短文带翻译1
during the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, i told him that mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. he then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.
医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴，为此，他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日，并要求她还他一个吻。
when he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "can you imagine, " she said. "seventy dollars and i had to kiss him too!
医生走后，我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗，”她说，“付了他70元，我还得亲他!”
简短英语笑话短文3篇（扩展3）
——英语笑话小短文the cat
英语笑话小短文the cat1
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的`老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”
简短英语笑话短文3篇（扩展4）
——简短的英语笑话5篇
简短的英语笑话1
Father's Things
When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.
Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.
One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.
Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"
"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.
"And that shirt's mine too."
"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.
"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.
"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"
简短的英语笑话2
These Are My Jeans!
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.
“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
简短的英语笑话3
The mean mans party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the re*, "Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客。
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
简短的英语笑话4
one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能首先回答我的问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”
the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."
第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板被涂得乱七八糟，他非常生气的问：“谁涂的？请站起来！”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见！”
简短的英语笑话5
Black eyes.
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
简短英语笑话短文3篇（扩展5）
——英语笑话-简短的英语幽默笑话 (菁选3篇)
英语笑话-简短的英语幽默笑话1
A woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.
一位女士在与他的丈夫购物时，她意识到她该为她的灰白头发买些染发水了。
"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff ,"complained the husband."and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"
她丈夫抱怨说:“你什么时候才能停止买那些昂贵的东西，而让你的头发长成像芭芭拉.布什(总统夫人)的头发那样灰白呢?”
"The day that you're inaugurated,"the wife replied.
“那就要等到你就职的那天了。”妻子说。
英语笑话-简短的英语幽默笑话2
母亲与教师
I teach middle-school choir and occasionally have my own children in class. One day my son asked if he could have a pencil. As a teacher,I normally do not lend items to unprepared students;but as a mother，I help my children whenever I can. I asked my son whether he was speaking to his teacher or his mother. He replied，“It degends on who has the pencil."
我教初中的'唱诗班，偶尔会教到自己的孩子。一天，我儿子问我是否能借给他一支铅笔。作为一位老师，我一般不借东西给那些不做课堂准备的学生。但作为一位母亲，我应随时帮助我的孩子。于是，我问儿子他是在跟老师说话，还是在跟母亲说话。而他却说:“那要看谁有铅笔了。”
英语笑话-简短的英语幽默笑话3
聪明的大夫
As a doctor is examining a patient, his nurse bursts in and says”Excuse me，but that man you just treated walked out of the door and collapsed on the front step. What should I do?"
大夫正为一个病人做检查时，她的护士闯了进来说:“请原谅，刚才在您这儿看病的那位病人出门时摔在前面的台阶上了，我该怎么办呢?”
"Turn him around，"the doctor answered，"So it looks like he was walking in.”
大夫回答:“给他转个身，这样，别人看起来会以为他是正往里走。”
简短英语笑话短文3篇（扩展6）
——英语笑话简短搞笑 (菁选2篇)
英语笑话简短搞笑1
A man walked into a doctor's examining room
一个人走进一家诊所。
A:Put out your tongue.
伸出你的舌头。
B:OK.
好的。
Then he put out his tongue and the doctor looked at it quickly.
于是他伸出舌头，医生很快地看了一下。
A:You can put your tongue back now. It's clear what's wrong with you.You need more exercise.
好吧，把舌头伸回去吧，你的病因很明显，你需要更多的运动。
B:But，doctor, I don't think...
但是，医生，我不认为……
A:Don't tell me what you think，I am the doctor，not you，I know what you need.I see hundreds of people like you.None of them get any exercis e.They sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the evening.What you need is to walk quickly for at least twenty mi-nutes a day.
不要告诉我你认为怎么样，我是医生，不是你。我知道你需要什么。我看过数以百计像你这样的病人。他们没有一个人锻炼过。他们整天坐在办公室里，晚上就坐在电视机前。你所需要的就是每天至少快跑20分钟。
B:Doctor.you don't understand.I...
医生，你不知道，我……
A:I don't want to hear any excuses. You must find time for exercise.If you don't，you will get fat and have health problems when you are o1der.
我不想听任何理由。你应该抽出时间来运动，如果你不锻炼，那么当你老的时候，你就会变得很胖，并且有健康问题。
B:But I walk everyday.
但我每天都走路的。
A:Oh，yes，and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet from your home to the station，and a few more feet from the sta- lion to your office，and a few more feet fr om your office to a restaurant for much and back. That's not real walking. I'm talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day.
喔，是的。我知道那是一种怎样的散步，你走几英尺的路，从家到火车站，又走几英尺从车站到办公室，然后走几英尺从办公室到餐馆中吃中饭再回来。那不是真正的散步。我所说的是每天在公园中散步20分钟。
B:(Shouting)Will you listen to me. doctor t I am a mailman and I walk for seven hour every day.
(叫喊着)请听我说，医生!我是一名邮递员，我每天得走7小时的路。
A:(Being silent for a moment) Put your tongue out again，will you?
(闷在那里半天不语)再把你的舌头伸出来，行吗?
英语笑话简短搞笑2
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner.
Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything xiaogushi8.com remarked：“That's extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
“Not really,” came the re*. “I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
一个盲人领着一只导盲犬站在十字路口处等着过马路。就在这个时候，导盲犬把腿一抬，开始往主人身上撒尿。
这个盲人十分*静地从口袋里拿出了一块饼干给狗吃。一个过路人刚好看到了这一切，很不解地说：“你的脾气真好，尤其是那只狗都做了这样的事情，你还给它饼干吃。”
“事实并非如此。”盲人回答说，“我只是想弄清楚它的嘴在哪里，这样一来，我就可以踢它的屁股了。”